Finding Home Abroad: The Compromises We Make

Flatsharing or living alone — the choices that shape our sense of home

Aug 17, 2025

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Finding a home abroad when moving alone means more than walls and rent — it’s about the trade-offs between flatsharing and living alone. From loneliness and independence to age, culture, and cost, this post explores the compromises faced in different European countries — both in early adulthood and mid-life.

The first time I tried to rent a flat in France, I ended up crying on a bridge in Lyon.

I had a decent salary but nowhere to live. I remember looking at the windows on both sides of the river, feeling excluded and very alone.

In twenty years of moving — from southern Italy to different countries in Europe — I’ve learned that finding a home abroad is never just about walls and a roof. It means making your space as an outsider in a completely new world and accepting compromises.

And compromises come in many forms. But if you’re moving alone, the first and biggest dilemma is almost always the same:

👉 share a flat, or live on your own.

Each choice comes with its own freedoms, limits, and trade-offs.

Moving Alone: The Flatshare Path

When I first moved abroad, my only option was sharing.

In France, the requirements for renting alone felt impossible: earning three times the rent, having a garant with that same income, and showing up at each viewing with a thick file of documents — hoping your references beat the other ten applicants in the room.

I was stuck for weeks. Nights in hostels turned into nights on a colleague’s couch. Just when I was about to lose hope, I found a colleague looking for someone to share her flat. It was central. Affordable. A miracle — with conditions.

She lived with a cat who ruled the house. Every other weekend, when she visited her boyfriend, I became the cat’s sitter — my phone buzzing with messages all day. Loneliness far from her partner often turned into frustration with me, whether I went out or brought friends. We were in different phases of life, and those six months felt endless.

It taught me that timing matters: even the best intentions aren’t enough when two lives move at different speeds.

Then came two years with three Spanish girls — imperfect flats, tough cleaning talks, but above all friendship and shared adventures.

That flatshare showed me that community isn’t about perfection but about choosing to stay together, despite the cracks.

In Barcelona, my flatmates opened the door to Catalan culture. We shared meals and a TV ritual, each living our own life while making space for one another when it mattered most.

From them I learned the subtle balance between closeness and independence, and how both are needed for harmony.

Back in France, I moved into a shabby flat with another researcher. The place was dark, sometimes a mouse would cross the living room — but none of that mattered. What counted was the solidarity: long nights of writing side by side, cups of coffee piling up, carrying each other through our common goals.

That time taught me that support can make even the toughest environments feel like home.

Why did the best flatshares work while others felt like a nightmare?

In my experience, the good ones shared something essential:
a shared rhythm of life, aligned goals, and similar lifestyles.
The worst?
Completely different priorities.

Choosing Solitude: Living Alone

At some point, your focus may shift to your own goals, and you start building a life that truly fits you.

Your rhythm no longer matches someone else’s weekly schedule. The shower is occupied right when you’re in a rush. Your job doesn’t allow you to be late. You have friends to see on weekends, and during the week you’re too tired to debrief with a flatmate.

That’s when you might start thinking: Maybe it’s time to live alone.

So I did.

It was a big step. Suddenly, if the sink broke, it was my problem. If the flat was dirty, it was always my turn. The bills were all on me. I had the full burden — but also:

Space shaped entirely by me.
Freedom to invite who I wanted, when I wanted.
A rhythm of life that matched my own needs.

And that small, 35 m² flat under the roof? Every day I came home, I’d pause at the door and think: This is my space.

Of course, there were lonely moments when I wished a flatmate would pull me out of the house. In those moment I reminded myself: as an adult, it was my responsibility to get out there.

But I know I was lucky — one knock on my neighbour’s door turned into a wonderful friendship.

Maybe you don’t feel the same need for privacy and ownership. Maybe you like the reassuring sound of steps in the next room, or someone laughing when you’ve had a hard day.

If that’s the case, sharing an apartment might be the best option for you.

Take the time to ask yourself:

What do I need most in this phase of my life?
Which fears or limits can I not compromise with right now?
What do I want to find at home when the world outside just sucks?

Moving Again Mid-Life

The anthropologist Joseph Campbell once said:

“During the first 35 or 40 years of our life, we climb a long ladder to reach the top — only to realise it’s leaning against the wrong building.”

Sometimes mid-life moves come after that realisation. A job change. A breakup. A shift in lifestyle. Downsizing, going nomadic, or living alone for the first time.

And once again, the two main options are the same:

share a flat or live on your own.

In this phase, another factor now comes into play: age.

Flatsharing is often seen as a student or young adult choice, yet the numbers tell a wider story.

In France, the average flatsharer is 27, with nearly 8 out of 10 under 30 (LocService, 2023).

In Germany, the picture is similar with an average age of 28(lefigaro/ Weroom, 2016).

But in Spain, the range stretches further: from 26 in Valencia to 34 in Barcelona, and even 42 in smaller cities (Le Petit Journal, 2022).

Prices reveal part of the story too.

In France, the average price of a room in flatshare was around 463 € (Appartager, 2017), while a studio costs on average 500–600 € in large cities and up to 930 € in Paris (LocService, 2023).

In Spain, a shared room costs about 400–550 € depending on the city, compared to 800–1,000 € for a studio in Madrid or Barcelona (Idealista, 2024).

In Germany, where a one-bedroom apartment in the center averages 900 €, flatsharing (WG) often becomes the only realistic option for students, young professionals, adult in life transition (RelocationCompass, 2025).

Behind every number, the same question echoes:

Which parameters are the most important in this phase of life?
When does the cost of independence become worth paying?

It’s always a matter of compromise.

One friend, after a breakup, rented a big flat she couldn’t afford alone. She welcomed flatmates year after year, most younger and with different lifestyles. The constant turnover was exhausting, but she preferred it to the loneliness she feared in a smaller place.

For her, the compromise was worth it. For others, it wouldn’t be.

I’ve seen other model emerging in my own circle: Coliving

Friends working in the Netherlands but with families in Belgium and Germany. Several days a week, they share a flat near work. On weekends, they return home. It’s a rhythm that works — a temporary community.

That’s why the question is not only flatshare or live alone, but also for how long?

Culture in the Living Room

Sharing a flat is also sharing a culture.

With my Spanish flatmates, I discovered Catalan meals, TV shows, and a way of living that I would never have learned from a guidebook.

But cultural differences my also bring tension: lifestyle habits, meal times, the question of inviting people.

In my experience living with locals can accelerate integration; while living with internationals can make the transition lighter. Both can enrich you, but both require patience and humility.

In the end, flatsharing isn’t only about splitting bills — it’s about learning how everyday life looks through someone else’s eyes.

The Bottom Line

For me, it doesn’t matter if home is big or small, central or rural, shared or private.

Home is the place you want to come back to when the outside world just sucks.

It should never be the place where your worst nightmare lives — whether that’s a flatmate, a neighbour, an animal, or a feeling.

Choose your compromise. And give yourself permission to change it if you’re unhappy. Nothing is final.

And you — do you lean more toward flatsharing or living alone?

Share your experience in the comments — your story might be the one that helps someone else.

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