Why Community Matters and How to Find Yours
The power of connection
Welcome to The Inclusion Room — a space where literature, science, and storytelling meet to unlock the power of diversity, inspiring both personal and professional growth.
Dear Readers,
I hope this letter finds you well!
Struggling with the feeling of belonging in a new country?
Those lonely moments when you miss your closest friends?
Those practical questions that remain unanswered—even after hours spent digging through online forums?
Does any of this sound familiar?
Moving abroad can be thrilling. The dopamine of adventure can keep you in a state of euphoria for months. But then come those moments—when all you want is to share your struggles with someone who truly gets it. Someone who’s going through it too.
In my experience, this feeling isn’t limited to the early moments of expat life. It can show up in the middle of your journey, even when you’re a seasoned expat who knows the language, the local codes, the norms, and the office where to get your documents stamped.
After 19 years abroad, I’ve felt this need for connection many times, in many contexts. And while the kind of connection I sought evolved over time, my answer to that need remained consistent: finding an expat community.
Over the years, I’ve tried different forms of community. In this post, I’m sharing what worked for me at each stage of expat life.
Moreover, I'm sharing the firsthand experiences of people who, not finding a community that met their needs, created their own — and in doing so, helped others find their own circle of belonging.
Cool Beans Expat Club, four Italian women in Chicago, will show us how to build a community from scratch—and why it matters.
In my first years as an expat in France, beyond my international colleagues, I found a community through language learning:
The Polyglot Café: It was a weekly gathering held at the same bar, always at the same slot. Tables were arranged by language, bringing together expats eager to improve their French, learn a new language, or speak their native tongue, and locals wanting to practice foreign languages.
It was an easy and welcoming entry point especially useful for newcomers or those still learning the local language.
I highly recommend this kind of event if you're just starting out, whether you're learning the local language or looking to make new friends.
A few years later, I moved to Spain. I already spoke Spanish—thanks to years of living with Spanish flatmates in France—so my goal was different: I wanted to enjoy the vibrant, international side of Barcelona and meet people from around the world.
That’s when I joined the Couchsurfing community.
My Catalan flatmate used to “lend” our couch to travellers.
Every Thursday evening, the coach surfers, hosts and guests, gathered in a bar in the city center. It was a lively and open space, full of locals and exotic visitors alike.
That community gave me the feeling of being part of a global network, even while staying in one place.
Back in my years in the Netherlands, I had the chance to work in an extraordinary international environment.
However, most of my friends were also my colleagues, and I felt the need to build connections outside of work. That’s when I discovered the Internations website, which offered a wide range of activities for the expat community.
I tried many of them. To be honest, some events—especially the ones held in cocktail bars—seemed more suited for dating. If that’s what you’re looking for, go ahead, they’re perfect. But if you're after deeper conversations or meaningful connections, I found other options more fulfilling.
One of them was an English book club. We met once a month in a cozy bar in The Hague to discuss a book we had chosen the month before.
Thanks to this club, I read fascinating books, improved my English, and met truly inspiring people.
And if you're in The Netherlands and starting your own business or looking for services to help you settle, I highly recommend the I am Expat Fair.
There, you’ll find dozens of stands covering all aspects of life in the Netherlands, and you can even showcase your own services. My husband and I once had a stand there—he had just launched his business as an architect. It was a great opportunity to connect with both potential clients and fellow expats.
More recently, I realized that networking isn’t just about casually meeting someone in a bar. It’s a skill, a strategy, and often the key to unlocking new opportunities.
When I moved back to France four years ago, I thought I didn’t need networking events anymore. I already had my friends, I knew the culture, the codes, the language.
Fatal error.
Why? Because professionally, even when you’re in a stable role, you always need to stay curious about your ecosystem.
Here’s why that matters:
👀To benchmark your situation. Talking to other expats can help you see how others are treated at work. Are you being paid fairly? Are there benefits you’ve overlooked?
🕵️♀️To discover opportunities. Feeling stuck? Meeting the right person—sometimes just a fellow expat—can open a door you didn’t know existed. It may sound obvious, but people often prefer to work with someone who shares their background. I’ve seen real opportunities emerge from this simple connection.
Today, I’m a member of an association of Italians working in my field. It’s given me both a deeper strategic outlook—and a few great friends!
I also started attending Everybody Network here events, which recently launched in Paris. If you're based in Denmark, the Netherlands, Malmö—or now Paris—I highly recommend checking them out. You’ll meet interesting people, grow your professional network, and always learn something valuable from their workshops.
And what if there’s no community in your city that fits your needs?
Well, you do like Cool Beans: you dare to create your own.
Here’s how they did it.
🎙How did the idea of creating a community spark?
Ouf. We could talk about this for hours, but we’ll try to keep it brief — promise.
We all met in the most random ways. Two of us connected through a Facebook group. Another two overheard each other speaking Italian on the street (and, let’s be honest, also recognized each other by the way we were dressed — eheh). And the last one? She found us through an Italian influencer’s Telegram group for people living abroad. Yeah… weird, we know.
At first, we had zero intention of creating what Cool Beans is today. It all started on a Sunday morning — our favorite part of the week — having breakfast at La Boulangerie in West Town. Somewhere between bites of croissant and sips of coffee, we started to talk about how after the pandemic Chicago felt a little dead and lonely - immediately we started to throw out ideas and solutions until we said “Why don’t we throw parties?”
We were all coming out of a rough patch — one of us had just arrived and didn’t know a soul; the rest of us had recently lost our closest friends, who moved back to their home countries or just left to be expats elsewhere. We needed something fun, something that made the city feel a little more like home.
The second time we met — in what we lovingly call “the garage” (it wasn’t actually a garage, but hey, all legendary ideas start in one, right?) — we couldn’t stop talking. Ideas were flying. Fast.
We started realizing that we all had the same stuff going on: relocation headaches, that weird kind of loneliness only expats understand, immigration paperwork nightmares, and the endless cycle of friends coming and going.
Somewhere in the middle of all that chaos, Cool Beans Expat Club just... happened.
🎙What are the objectives of your community?
At Cool Beans Expat Club, our goal is simple: to create a real community for expats who are figuring out life in a new city — just like we did. A community where people can recognize themselves, find the help they need but also have fun!
Sure, there are other Facebook groups or one-off dinners out there. We’ve tried them too. But here’s the thing: in those Facebook groups, we kept seeing the same issues — people asking serious questions about visas, jobs, or finding a place to live… and getting answers that were completely wrong. On top of that, you never really know who’s messaging you. It all felt a little chaotic, a little impersonal.
So we asked ourselves: what if we built something that actually matched our vibe — our interests, our energy, our age group? A space where people could connect more meaningfully, ask questions without judgment, and actually trust the answers they’re getting?
That’s how Cool Beans started. And while it began with just a few of us and a croissant at a Sunday breakfast, our goal now is much bigger. In the future, we want to offer more support to expats like us — relocation help, trusted recommendations (from beauty salons to lawyers), and events that go beyond a single night.
Because that’s the other thing: those intimate dinners popping up everywhere? They’re fun, but they often feel like a one-time thing. We wanted something that lasts. Something that actually feels like a community — or better yet, like family.
And honestly? We think it’s working. Our favorite part is seeing the same faces coming back again and again. People who once walked in as strangers and now walk in as friends.
🎙What has been the most challenging part?
To be honest, we want to be seen and known. Our goal is to build a community that meets in real life, offline — but like it or not, we’re dependent on social media to get the word out.
And with these bloody algorithms, if you’re not spending on ads, it’s really tough to be visible.
What makes it harder is the constant self-doubt. We often ask ourselves if there are even expats out there who care about what we’re doing, or if there’s any real need for it at all.
It’s a rollercoaster — some days feel amazing, and others we’re left wondering, why are we even doing this if no one’s engaging?
The good news is that the community is growing, slowly but steadily :)
🎙Which channels do you use to communicate about your activities?
We're mainly active on Instagram when it comes to social media, and we also have a WhatsApp group where members can ask questions and connect outside of our planned events.
Last but definitely not least — and honestly, our favorite part — we're on Substack. There, we share a short weekly newsletter with our handpicked recommendations for the best things to do in Chicago, plus updates from the community.
Once a month, we also publish a longer-form edition with deeper stories and articles.
🎙What do you value the most about this experience?
We’re learning so much! None of us had any background in this — no experience in building communities, posting on social media, marketing, design… none of it!
It’s been really fun (and yes, sometimes super challenging) to learn all these new things as we go.
One of the best parts? Meeting new people. We’re pushing ourselves to network, chat with strangers, and step way out of our comfort zones — whether it’s talking to local businesses or pitching potential partners to help us grow the community.
It honestly takes a lot of courage to walk into a café and ask, “Hey, do you want to be part of one of our events?”
But most importantly, we’re making real friends. Our circle is growing, and that makes us incredibly happy.
🎙What would you suggest as the first step for creating a community?
We’ll keep it brief: building a community takes time, and you need a lot of willpower to stick with it.
Most importantly, you need to be crystal clear about your purpose — what problem are you trying to solve, whose needs are you addressing, and what value or service are you offering to meet those needs?
After one of our events, when we were wondering whether it had been successful or not, a friend of ours said, “You see that expat guy who was at the event tonight? He didn’t know anyone before today, and he had a great time. You can honestly say you made an impact on his life tonight — and not many people can say that about others.”
Other fellow Substackers have written about community and networking—you might want to take a look to these two suggestions:
From Freedom Focus : I Networked For 3 Months Straight in New York City
From Expat on a Budget: Goodbye USA, I'm Not Coming Back: Community
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 | A guest post by
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Emanuela, Alessandra, Simona and Francesca: what to say--this was such an EPIC article! I loved reading about all the different ways you all searched for, found and even created communities in the different cities you've lived in! Also, thanks so much for mentioning my article about my networking experiment in NYC! 🫶
I must say, after living in 5 different countries as an expat, plus a few more as a digital nomad, I’ve really had the chance to observe how ever-changing the process of seeking community is. In my early years abroad, I mostly looked for friendships (preferably with non-Italians, lol) and people to grab coffee or hang out with. As a digital nomad, I was DYING to meet fellow nomads and learn what they did and how they supported themselves (I even ended up writing an article about it recently because that curiosity hasn’t faded yet :D). Nowadays, as an expat worker in NYC, I love meeting people who feed each of my interests and talking about what people do in life!
So, anyway, your article added another little piece to my puzzle of curiosity. Great job!
This sparks my desire to connect with others. After years trying, I settled for my circle of friends and colleagues but you wrote this piece with such enthusiasm that I must say, I'm now on the lookout for such experiences.
The only one I attempted is Internations and we weren't a match. But your post inspired me to look for or, why not, create a community group.
Thank you for all the work you do around Inclusion!