Welcome to The Inclusion Room — a space for expats, explorers, and souls seeking belonging, where literature, science, and storytelling meet to help you intentionally build a life beyond the box.
We often think that hiding what we consider imperfections will make us easier to love, easier to accept. But the parts we push away don’t disappear, they wait for us in the shadows, ready to be claimed as allies, or else they return as our worst enemies.
I hadn’t been to my hometown in three years. When the flight landed, I felt both overwhelmed and whole at the same time.
Sometimes, in order to adapt to new places, we convince ourselves that pushing back where we come from, and all that shaped us, will make it easier to meet people’s expectations. But that only leads to a slow erosion of the self.
Over time, we often push parts of ourselves into the shadows, either because we were made to feel they weren’t acceptable, or because we imagined we would be more easily welcomed if we conformed. We may even feel uncomfortable when facing people who embody the very traits we silenced in ourselves.
An exuberant or assertive person, for instance, can trigger in me a kind of allergy. And yet, in my own culture, I too carry the ability to fiercely speak up for me and others, to defend what matters, to connect easily and quickly with others creating intimacy, to shine with originality. Unfortunately, I once believed—wrongly—that these things were not acceptable. That by showing less, I would be more easily assimilated, more likable, more acceptable.
Light and Shadow
Carl Jung described the shadow as the part of ourselves that we repress, reject, or deny. Yet he also reminded us that light and shadow are inseparable: what we exile into the darkness does not vanish, it waits to be acknowledged.
“There is no light without shadow“ - Jung
In the shadow lie not only wounds, but also the seeds of our strength. The very qualities that, once integrated, allow our light to shine more fully.
Jean Monbourquette, in Apprivoiser son ombre, invites us to see the shadow not as an enemy but as a potential ally. Befriending the shadow means recognizing those rejected parts of ourselves, taming them so they no longer sabotage us but instead become resources to lean on.
Migrants and Social straddler
This experience is common to many migrants and social climbers. They often fear that by showing where they come from, the enchantment might break, like a mirror shattering.
Yet the strength required to change course, to carve a new path often without any model to follow, is built on tenacity, inventiveness and endurance. These qualities are rooted not in the finish line, but in the point of departure.
Remembering the arduous road you have walked is a way to remember your resources, to reclaim pride in moments of difficulty, to recognize your value even when others fail to.
When the Shadow Becomes an Ally
The shame of what has been left behind, the fear of ancient anger, the aspects once hidden, all follow like a shadow. Denied, they resurface in destructive ways; acknowledged, they can become our fiercest allies.
To set boundaries when someone crosses the line.
To find courage to speak up when our voice feels invisible.
To draw on resilience when the road ahead is uncertain.
To transform anger into clarity and determination.
Last week, as the plane touched down, I made myself a promise: to carry all that comes from my story with me, and to keep it in the light.
Whenever I am sidelined, ignored, or shouted over, I want to draw from that shadow side of me—the one shaped by arid landscapes proudly bathed in turquoise sea. To stand tall. To affirm.
That force within me, once deemed unacceptable, is not my enemy. It is the very strength that allows me to endure, to face the harshness, and to shine with dignity.
Questions for you
Which part of yourself have you placed in the shadows? How does it show up in your life? And in which moments could it rise as your ally instead of your enemy?
References
Jean Monbourquette. Apprivoiser son ombre : Le côté mal aimé de soi. Paris : Bayard Éditions, 1996.
The major texts on which Monbourquette relies to explain and popularize the concept of the shadow.
C.G. Jung – Aion: Researches into the Phenomenology of the Self (Collected Works, vol. 9ii, 1959)
C.G. Jung – Two Essays on Analytical Psychology (Collected Works, vol. 7, 1953)
Thank you for reading The Inclusion Room. If this reflection has been helpful on your path, leave a 💓 so it can drift toward others.
"What we exile into the darkness does not vanish; it waits to be acknowledged." - powerful sentence.
I just wrote recently how 'development sleeps in the darkness', it's a place of origin, development that masks itself later in life as hardship. But when closely observed, it is an opportunity for an authentic, more lived life. I can align my thinking with yours on the matter of the shadow and darkness. It is an unprivileged necessity. I liked your article very much.
I lost my language after emigrating and the worst part is failure to teach my kids my mother tongue. At first it was because i was learning a new language BUT i think it was more preservation